Prayer

Prayer

Every Monday morning, I pray you have a good week
Every evening, I pray you fall in to a sound sleep 

Every Friday, I pray your weekend will be safe

Every Sunday, I pray you are in a peaceful place

And sometimes, when I’m feeling selfish, I pray you will be mine again 

An atheist caught in a cycle of prayer. 

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A wise friend once told me, patience is a virtue.

You were right.

So I’ll wait for you.

Seconds, minutes, hours. Days, months, weeks and years.

I’ll wait.

Don’t worry, my love, I am not actively awaiting your return.

You would not want that, and I am tired of being sad.

Just know, I’ll always be yours.

I am sprung on you, my love, and I do need you back.

Just not today.

And probably not tomorrow.

But I’ll be waiting, sweetness.

Yours truly,

Audisho

Fake ass bitch

Fake ass bitch

Happiness just seems so fake to me. 

Happiness is Yeezy’s bought at a flea market.

Happiness is a counterfeit Benjamin.

Happiness is faux fur trenchs.

Happiness is a Louis Vuitton bag bought off a street cart in NYC.

Happiness simply is some designer shit were all trying to cop but can’t so we just front some knock off bullshit.

HAPPINESS IS FAKE!

Hate 

Hate 

I hate you, and I hate being alive. I hate that you make me hate being alive. I hate everything about you. I hate how you make me feel. I hate that you are gone. I hate your smile. I hate your friends. I hate that I can not make you happy anymore. I hate your front of disinterest. I hate your reserved demeanor. I hate that I am not over you. I hate your happiness. I hate that I doubt that you are really happy but will never ask. I hate that it has been a month without speaking. I hate being weak. I hate you for making me feel weak. FUCK YOU. 

Nightmare

Nightmare

You were in my dream last night.

I vaguely remember where we were.

You sat on a lime green salon chair.

I have never been here before.

You look handsome per usual.

I do not know remember why we were together.

You were evil.

I sit in your lap.

We kiss.

You push me off into the next chair.

I cry.

“You are too much for me,” you say.

I sit in your lap.

We kiss.

You push me off into the next chair.

I cry.

“You are too much for me,” you say.

I sit in your lap.

We repeated over and over until I woke up.

I am subconsciously plaguing myself with a symbol of our relationship.

You were in my nightmare last night.

 

 

You fucking witch, you cursed me.

You fucking witch, you cursed me.

I hate you. You tricked me. You made me believe love is real. Now I am here all alone. Where did you go? Why did you do this to me? I just wanted to treat you so nicely. I just wanted to make you feel special. You made me feel so special. Why did you leave me? I never let myself get vulnerable. I opened up to you. I am a fool. Why is this so easy for you? You never loved me. Why? Why doesn’t anyone love me? I just want to feel special. You made me feel special. Come back to me. I am sobbing and rage typing. You’re out boating with your boys. How did this happen? How did I let this happen? I was strong. I was independent. I was confident. You’re gone and all of that has followed. Give it back!!!!! You can’t steal it from me! Why did you steal my sunshine?! Take your cloud. I do not want your darkness. How the fuck did I let this happen? I am sitting here sobbing and all I can think about is how I just wish I had you. I am so angry, but if you want me back, I will accept. I will happily bound into your arms once more. How did you gain this control over me? You don’t even want it. You don’t even want me anymore. But you have me. You have all the control. Come in and knock my lights out, I’ll still love you. Just come back for me. Why did you pretend? Why didn’t you let me stay happy? I wish I never met you. You stole my happiness. You fucking thieving asshole. I miss you so motherfucking much. I miss your kindness. I miss your intelligence. I miss your emotional insecurity and immaturity. I miss your hands and your hugs and your smile. You always know what to say. Why can’t you say it now? Say you want me back. I want you back. I will beg on my knees for you, and I am not even on your mind. How sad is that? Is this love? Because I swear to God, this is love. It sucks so badly. Why? Is there happiness? Can love and happiness coexist? If so, where can I find it? You have stolen everything! My love and my happiness! That’s all I wanted. You were my first love and my heart is broken and you do not care. Why did I let myself love you? I knew it was a mistake. I knew it. I let it happen anyways. I hoped you were riding my wave. You were not. This is fucking awful and pitiful. I want to scream your name from the rooftops and then jump. Why? HOW DID YOU DO THIS TO ME? Maybe you’re a witch. I bet you are. I am so cursed. Fuck you.